Wisdom of MY Words

Random Musings & Book Reviews

Archive for December, 2007

05 December

No Governor On My Mouth

I’m reading John Elder Robison’s book, “Look Me In the Eye…” and I’ve realized that perhaps I really have a gentle, innocuous form of Apsbergers. Not only do I randomly cuss out people I can’t stand, like clerks at stores, but I have absolutely no governor on my mouth when it comes to things I should. I say shit and fuck in public. What’s the big deal? If I had a better word than shit or fuck, I’d substitute it for that. But sometimes the best word is a generalist word like shit. As in, “You pre-date your items for sale? That’s wack and I don’t need you to explain your shitty system to me because it doesn’t make any sense.”

I should wear a button that says:


Which in Minnesota gets you kicked out of a store. Even if it’s a second hand store and there goes their sale. But it was 03 December 2007 and the item was marked 05 December 2007 and my logical brain goes, “WHOA, it’s not 05 December 2007 yet, was this mismarked and they meant 03 December 2006?”

Frankly I didn’t fucking care what the owners lackey’s excuse was about why she pre-dates items. I mean when I walked into the store she was talking to a woman about her vagina. She said vagina and a customer heard it. I figured she could handle the word shitty. But no, she told me, my husband and son to GET OUT. Well, fine, I don’t want your stupid pre-dated green silk pillows then! Even if they are cool and inexpensive by silk throw pillow standards. I’ll just have the pea run in and get the half-priced pink silk ones instead, with cash, no paper trail. And never GO BACK THERE AGAIN.

Instead of telling her she was a bitch when I was leaving the store, I should have told her she was the biggest douche in the universe. But those epiphanies always occur AFTER the fact.

So, I’m reading Robison’s book and it’s obvious I have no governor on my mouth, I like to make up weird names for my family and friends (although Unit 2 for Jack would be just wrong, and god only knows when I’d get laid again if I called him Unit 2), I have to have several generous Strongbows or Diet Cokes in my system to deal with people. Too much Diet Coke is like being on coke, it helps me function. My god if I was a drug addict I’d bankrupt us. But no, I can go to a pub and drink eight Diet Cokes in thirty minutes and act completely normal in the eyes of the people at the pub.

I also can spill ridiculous details about things like Hitler, WWII, France, The Tudors (longest reigning monarchy in England), and various other things I read about. I prefer books and movies to people, any day. But yet, I’m seen as a complete extrovert. Yet, when I have to deal with people in person I’m just exhausted after it. I want to sleep for a month. People wear me out. They are so boring and bloody self-absorbed and rarely can impart interesting details about things like I can. Should I hold other people up to my high standards of intelligence and hysterical knowledge? Well, yes, I think I should, Hol and M&M seem to be fine with it and they always have their own stories that are so bitchy and critical you can’t help but love them. Lala always tells me I have a big mouth, but that’s because, yup, you’ve got it, I have no governor on it, since I must have some form of Asperbergers. Shit.

Actually I think the problem is summed up by this fortune:


And NONE of those are my lucky numbers.