Wisdom of MY Words

Random Musings & Book Reviews

Archive for June, 2017

30 June

30 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Back too my ACA kvetching. Other people tell me things like Bob from St Paul, who sent me this email. How they can use the term “affordable” in the title Affordable Care Act? I just got my renewal notice for 2016. Our premium with MN BCBS increased 63% to $590 month more for our premium. They also increased our deductible about $500. Since the ACA implementation, our insurance has doubled and will be costing us over $23,000 in 2017 when I add our $4000 deductible on top of our $1600/month premium. My wife and I are self-employed.  Where we live, PT positions are generally $8-12/hour and offer no benefits. I’m frightened that I’ll have to sell my business, get a FT job just to get the benefits, so I can only work somewhere with benefits, unlike retail.

Bob, I emailed back, “Your insurance costs if you go work FT will be higher than ever before because of the current marketplace. Employers are no longer covering as much of the health insurance burden of their employees. You’ll need an extra 10 grand for deductibles. Then every year you work for your employer you your insurance costs increase, both premium and deductible.” If Bob’s cost for 2016 was $23,000 and mine was $25,000 including dental, that’s an untenable situation. People are not going to be able to continue to pay this kind of money for healthcare. Costs are out of control. Our dental insurance for two adults was $2100 in 2017, and increase of $800 on the 2016 premium. We didn’t have more services in 2016 than we’d had in 2015, it just seems that costs are out of con

Bob’s email continued. We could raise our deductible, but with the new programs our options are limited. The higher deductible will lower our monthly premium, but if we have a lot of doctor visits or a surgery we will meet the deductible and the total overall cost will be about the same. Even though our 2 kids are pretty healthy, but they’re kids. My wife may potentially need knee surgery this winter so the higher deductible will be reached with that anyway. We can enter into the MNSure marketplace to determine if we get a subsidy, but the way the system works in MN once we hit the “Submit” button we have to take what they give us. Which could potentially mean that the kids would be placed on medical assistance and only be able to go to a doctor or specialist that accepts medical assistance payments…that’s not an option as far as I’m concerned.

That’s exactly what happened to us. Juan entered $60k for projected income in 2017. That kicked Mini Me onto MA, and he’ll be 18 this year and still on MA, but since the suicide attempt we are glad because we couldn’t have afforded another deductible of a third $5700. His dental insurance is $26.xx per month, over and above the above dental premium for JC and I. We had a $300 coinsurance payment to the dentist on top of everything else. It feels to me like our healthcare system is going to implode. Explode. IDK, just something drastic is going to happen. Personally I think every single solitary citizen in America should stop paying their medical bills. We need a resistance against anymore of this monetization of people’s health. We need to demand better healthcare for all in America.

30 June


People are unreal. Juan Carlo is looking for work and I’m on that, I’ll help you because what the fuck else does someone that’s dying and that’s why she’s no longer working or in IT. Some recruiter on Juan’s LinkedIn connections got his email and she forwarded to a dude named Sharif. This Sharif guy made a whole lotta assumptions, like 1) the person with end stage cancer is still alive and he has to get her to appointments, 2) that Juan would go to DC to work onsite, 3) Rate indicative of a local to DC tai-state area. So this recruiter, not a noble man,made a bunch of assumptions.He told Juan that rate for the job wasn’t good for someone that wasn’t local. That’s one those bullshit phrases that mean nothing because the people on the receiving end have to extrapolate. What that means about rate is that for Juan to travel to DC he’d need a per diem, transportation money, and hotel, plus plane to DC. Juan doesn’t ever want to live in a hotel room, and he most certainly doesn’t;’t want to live in a hotel room right now with me dead by January 2018.

It’s super hard to stay positive when there are people like this guy in my sphere. So, Sharif told Juan he couldn’t;’t pay well, and the job he had wasn’t in Minnesota anyway, and his only client was the City of Minneapolis. Ugh. Both the DH and I are working on being direct and answering people instead of leaving a communique Han king, which is what we should have done. I already cry quite a bit. Every day, matter of fact. Only 52, and any day now I’m waiting for some awful pain to start relentlessly banging away on my brain. The brain swelling is where a considerable amount of the pain comes from, but the minute I know it’s selling I’m fucked. I’m still thinking about moving to Colorado or Oregon, because I don’t want the VERY END OF LIFE to be nonstop pain. I am unequivocally the kind of person that will do something drastic if the pain gets to a certain point.

It’s super hard to stay positive when there are people like this guy in my sphere. Because of my Asalamalakium book I do know that this guys surname, Almamun was the same as the seventh caliph, and I believe he ruled for like 20 years. The name means:  Mamun or Ma`moon is a Quranic name for boys that means trusted, trustworthy and honorable. It is derived from the A-M-N root which is one of the most used roots in the Quran, and it is source for Imaan (faith), Mu’min(believer),  Aamana ( he/she attained to fatih). It is mentioned in Quran 70:28

Because Sharif asKED for a resume I felt it polite to tell him Juan wasn’t interested. So I did: Thanks for reaching out. It doesn’t seem like you’ll have a fit for me with your limited connections in the real world outside of the district. I’m not particularly interested in working for the City of Minneapolis.

And then, for no reason, except to become a complete fucking jerk emails the person Juan emailed + he copied Juan on the email. The email said,

Please do not forward anyone from your connection to me for help. See below Jon’s email.
Yup, rudeness all around. Talk about salty because I said not interested. Every time crap like this happens I think, well, better it happened now before Juan would actually go work for this person. We both believe that attitude starts with management, and as the owner, he’s management. Working for his company sounds hideous.
29 June

29 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

I don’t know how to apply for Medicaid or Medicare, or apply for help because I am blind. I keep going round and round about this stuff in my head. I am 52. I have the ACA. I can’t afford $35,000 for health and dental insurance for just Juan and I; because that’s what our monthly premium + deductible equals for 2017 WITH the ACA. It’s $29,xxx if Juan doesn’t use his deductible, which is $5700. As I already explained in another blog post, the ACA is not supposed to charge more than 10%b of your income and Juan and I didn’t even earn $40,000 last year. We have been solidly living on our retirement, the Roth IRAs are almost completely liquidated, so we had to take money from our SEP IRAs. The middle Classe, even upper middle, always shouldering the American burden. I am at least 50% blind in one eye and cannot see the website well enough to apply for these benefits myself and Juan can’t seem to sit down and figure it out. Not sure if he finds it worthless, or if he just gets distracted because there is so much to do.

So I’m partially blind in one eye and unable to support myself. I could,

  • Get a lawyer who will then take a PERCENTAGE of my Medicaid benefits.
  • Go into sex work.
  • Force my DH to get a job to support us.

I can ill afford a lawyer siphoning off my benefits to his yacht because his brethren have designed the laws that confuse my husband. Working in the sex industry pays decent, about $40/hr amortized over a two week, 80 hour period. Remember I have studied this stuff because I think what women have to do in order to support themselves was designed by men. White men, no doubt. Although IMHO black men, brown men, yellow men, red men, all men are the problem. I don’t want to be married to someone I’m expected to force into a position because our federal government assumes the husband will support the sick wife. Although I’m not sure who is supposed to take care of the sick wife while he’s satisfying the societal need of going to work, and being gone 55-60 hours per week. I could take an Uber to an appointment, but other than that I am stuck. I am in a position where I cannot get myself anywhere because of my eyesight and I continue to hit things on the left side.

I say things like sex work because what else would I be able to do when the money runs out? I’m not able to get places because I can’t drive. I’m too visually impaired to take the bus. The light rail only runs down Cedar, but I could walk to Cedar and take a bus to MOA. After 30 years in the white collar, intelligence sector, qwho would hire me for a retail position? IDK, would Nordstrom hire me? I couldn’t’t work on my feet all day. The neuropathy from chemo in 2013-2104, most likely Taxol, has made standing for long periods physically painful. Rest assured I won’t end up in sex work, but that’s, again, because I saved my money and Nana left me money that I invested well. I am a talented and good writer and will sell this memoir. Whether that is to a new agent because Roxanne flaked out on me, or direct to the publisher. Hell, I am even willing to spend my money on self publishing because I know my voice is unique and likable. My protagonist is interesting.

I’ve been telling the DH how reading a book a day has changed me. I can barely read fiction anymore. It has to be good fiction, and usually the older stuff if better. Jeff Earl would’ve said that! Juan has been picking up books for me every week it seems. During recovery it was books on tape, and now it’s as many ebooks as I can score, large print, and then regular type. My eyes get tired faster than is what would be considered normal, but everyone keeps telling me that I am still in recovery. Recovery can technically last 2 years. There was that woman who was blind and driven around by her husband for 18 months and 4 years respectively, after repeated strokes and 5 neurosurgeries. Ouch!

28 June

28 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

I posted on the COSS board that my gums are feelings different. Approximately 1.5-2 hours after I ingest the CO my gums, right knee, left ankle, and left chest all tingle, and it feels almost like neuropathy, or like my nerves are awake and working. Because people are morons I was asked all sorts of ludicrous questions like:

  • Do you take your entire dose in one sitting?
  • Do you take your entire dose at bed?
  • Did you ramp up?
  • Did you try ramping down?

Are people incapable of reading? I have clothes on Poshmark, and a blonde hippie chick asked me how many shirts the listing was for, and told the dumbo to read the damn description. It reads: Eileen Fisher Linen B&W Striped Long Sleeved Sweater. IDK, how many items does it look like to you are for sale? Can’t read? Get the fuck away from me. And this isn;’t to say if someone genuinely wanted help because oh, let’s see, they couldn’t see perhaps? I sincerely want to help people but I can’t, at 52, abide by any more stupid. I believe that answering the blonde hippie chick’s stupid would only encourage more stupid. And this is why my neighbors think I’m, a bitch. Ah, C’est la.

I stated that I started at zero and in a month have gotten to a .33 gram dosage per day. I talked about microdosing because of these side affects that people are telling me are in my head. I’m fine with unchartered territory, I just lose energy when I know what I’m doing and know what I’m describing and then I am accused of being the stupid one.

27 June

27 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Right now I’m buying online food that is specialty> teas, spices, and mushrooms. All things that can be used to fight cancer and augments a vegetarian diet. Dean & Deluca are coming out with Nutrition Bars. Flavours like Tumeric and Ginger are on offer. Sounds marvelous yes? Certainly will be antioxidant rich and busy helping your lymphocytes after digestion. Gwenyth Paltrow’s company Goop has healing stickers like the Mary’s Natural CBD patches. I use the transdermal pens and patches and just love them. I get nauseated quite a bit and the patches are super helpful. The transdermal pen I use on my forehead when I get a migraine.


26 June

White Men

I quoted Raybon on Facebook and also said, Patricia Raybon, I agree, I hate white people too. I probably shouldn’t have read all those books about classe. Guffaw. Or those books about the slave trade and killing Indians.

“And white people had killed 6 million Semites and enslaved 15 million blacks (and sacrificed 30 million more, some say, to make the passage), and they had broken 400 treaties and irradiated islands and deserts and seas and even people. And they had robbed treasures. And they had reduced by 9 million through death and disease and denial the Iroquois and the Mohawk and the Pequot and the Oneida and the Seneca and the Arapaho and the Navajo and the Cherokee and the Ute and the other Indian populations in North America to a remnant of barely 1 million. And white people had stolen land wealth and ideas and music and inventions, and broken promises and backs and treatises and will, and white people had stolen HOPE. And I hated white people for all of it.”

—My First White Friend: Confessions on Race, Love, and Forgiveness by Patricia Raybon    And then I got attacked for being a Liberal by Switzer, Wenzel, and Curley. I believe one is allowed to hate the choices made by people of their own culture or generation. I am not some fucking liberal that is saying I hate all white people, but yes, I do believe people of European descent have taken this colour thing pretty far. I cannot help but think this: white men started slavery to make money, and for pussy. White men wanted white women’s pussy AND the black slave woman’s pussy. In order for him to fuck and earn simultaneously Mr White Man raped America of it’s people and land, and went to other countries and raped their people and their land. If you don’t see that as our history, I have nothing to say. I’m no longer going to try and convince anyone of my position. I believe that humans are cruel and awful. I own that I have been and still am working through being a racist.

And good riddance Curley. I didn’t like you in high school anyway. I’m surprised no one asked me why I was angry. I’m not angry about the Indians or the Muslim Travel Ban. I’m only disgusted beyond the pale with our fat cats in Washington trying to screw up a dying woman’s health insurance. I am a liberal in the belief that EVERYONE should have access to the same quality of education and healthcare that the rich (read 1%) afford for themselves. I believe it VERY wrong what the Obama administration did in regards to healthcare and now the new bills are worse. Why don’t the politicians hand the economy to the insurance companies? They want to line insurance companies pockets. Why? It’s ludicrous! The GOP could have, in the seven years since they started bitching about Repeal & Replace for the ACA, created a stellar nationwide plan fro healthcare. There are serious brains in the GOP. I have to just blame these white guys and say they are dicks. Pence wakes up in the morning as does Sessions and says out loud, while stroking his chin, “How can I fuck over the 99% today?”

Wenzel jumped on me and so did Switzer, but neither of them asked me why. Patrick Curley called me a Liberal and unfriended me. I hate white people, but mostly white men. I’m angry that I am sick and there is no safety net. I have no family and my husband doesn’t want to work a full-time job to get insurance. I understand that. I don’t believe that my husband should have to support me. It’s scary to believe that Medicaid would take care of you if you got ill and couldn’t afford the bills. I’m terminally ill and I don’t know if I should live like I’m going to be dead by April or that I’ll be alive for another three years. I’m angry that I could’ve been using cannabis but the plant was eradicated by a guy who wanted to keep his government department. I’m angry because I played by the rules. I paid my taxes and didn’t cheat. I worked a job and didn’t cheat. I paid my share of taxes because I believed them to be fair. Unfortunately, I thought they were fair because I believed the lies my very own government sold me.

I decided to work and raise children simultaneously. I have a good education and my mother has a masters degree, as did her mother, my Nana Davis. I have a masters. Nana Davis told me over and over that I should be a mother but neither David nor Jon was prepared to be the sole providers in the society in which we currently find ourselves. David wanted me working and earning money. I was happy to work because it was intellectual, fulfilling, and I was well paid. As journalism has eroded since the early 1980s I never thought I’d be able to write AND earn money. Ha. Nana Davis always said that writing was an avocation, not a vocation. That meant that Nana didn’t think I’d ever be able to support myself with my writing. She didn’t understand the new man of the 1990s was not the World War II man, or the post war man, or the suburban 1950s man. The 1990s man was sensitive, but strong, yet they had mothers that worked. Perhaps their mothers hadn’t worked the whole time they were growing up. Perhaps mom had 3 or 4 little Betty White’s in the span of six to ten years and after that decade and some years atop that thrown in for being the on-call kid slave, and you taught the boys how to co their laundry and the dishes, so these men were sympathetic to their wives working.

It is not the 1950s and our mothers raised us to be dutiful little feminists. Us women have been expected to take advantage of the achievements the women before us have made. Except most of us didn’t want a suburban prison where our husbands are off to work in the city every day and we take care of the house. These evolved men of the 21st century aren’t weaker per se, but they certainly are products of their environment. We are raising a generation of boys that don’t know how to do plaster work, or even clean up after themselves. My government expects my husband to support and I feel that society should. Otherwise why bother being a member of a society? Why have governments? For the military? Sure, to keep our invaders out. Absolutely important to fund the military. But you don’t have to go handing out bailouts to Lockheed. Entitlements are entitlements. There’s no reason to have a society if we aren’t going to take care of one another.

Juan just came upstairs and told me the CBO report on the new Senate ACA said that 22 million Americans will lose their health insurance. That’s just crazy. Anyway, I hate white men because there is no safety net for me. I don’t have a job and I have good skills, but I would be able to earn $30/hr and this would be W2 so I couldn’t run it through the Corp. It would be for a hideous employer like Lockheed. Lockheed IT works do 9 hour days, and they do not get paid OT. Then on my shitty $20an hour after taxes I would have to buy health insurance. I wouldn’t earn enough to support myself. The fat cats in Washington are trying to get rid of Obamacare so the wealthiest one percent can pay less taxes. Unreal.


26 June

Obituary 2017

Juan and I were talking and I told him I was working on my obit because it seemed like something he’d need. He said that absolutely, and while I was at it, could I write out instructions after my body is cold? Of course I will do that for him because my heart aches thinking of him all alone with my body. Unsure of his next move and zero relationship with Margaret, his piece off shite mother Sylvia, his lazy brother who, at 45 has been in a nursing home since his thirties. Tom walked out five or so years ago and has been worthless to me as a father figure. He didn’t know how to be my father.

I’m the kind of person that’d call hella people and ask for help with Juan’s body. As is for him it is the same for me. Those people aren’t there for him and they are doubled down in their bad behaviour. I often have wondered in my life what would happen to me if I lost my job, my house was foreclosed, and I was in jail for working the prostitution circuit because hello, I needed money. I couldn’t ask anyone for help.

Someone on my Cannabis Success Stories group or the other one, ah, Cure Breast Cancer with Cannabis, said that I should make Cannabis Oil myself. In order to get product they recommend I have a friend in Denver or California send me hella ounces. Um, hello? Police in Minnesota are still arresting people. I have no friends I could ask to send weed to, and I have no family that gives a shite about me. I have been an unloved child. My mother should have aborted me, or done as Nana Davis wanted, put me top for adoption at a Catholic Mother’s Home in Boston. My mother was not unwed, she was actually married, but Nana Davis couldn’t stand him. Nana wanted mother to go to St.Margarets Hospital , locatedin Dorcester, MA. She knew people. Nana did. Doctors and psychiatrists in New England. With her connections St. Margaret’s seemed like the place. It seemed like universal symmetry with Nana’s name Margaret and mother’s the same. Two Margaret Davis’s in a row. I guess when you love a name you love it.  Except Nana Davis didn’t name my mother, Nana Wolski did.

Michele Ellen Davis born as Michele Ellen Przybylinski in Milwaukee, WI a year after Kennedy was shot. Always feeling as if she belonged in another world, one where people were kinder, she devoted her existence to words. As a child at University School Milwaukee (USM) she sent her poems and stories to magazines like Cricket, and little community newspapers. While working on her English bachelors Michele worked for the military proofreading bomb documents. In 1991 she married David Meyer in Minneapolis and gave birth to Simon Meyer. Her passion for words and education propelled her into technical training and technical writing. She spent the next twenty five years working in IT. When her daughter Miriam Davis was a year old David and her split up. While working at Spanlink Michele met Jon Phillips. They married in 1999 and she gave birth to her last child, Zack Phillips, that same year. She was cremated and is buried in a biodegradable container that also housed a rose bush. There’s the Obit. I’m not sure I like it. I wanted to add, “Technically she isn’t buried she is Solyent Green, or Twilight Zone’s Evergreen.”

Solyent Green is a film where people are ground up for food. A tale of Earth in despair in 2022. Natural food like fruits, vegetables, and meat among others are now extinct. New York City’s population, for example, has grown to 40 million mouths to feed. The greenhouse effect has risen the temperature into nearly unbearable regions, and the people are kept in the cities by law. The rich live in separated luxury apartments (with women as part of the rented furniture) but also experience the lack of natural food. Strawberries are $150 for a glass. Police Detective Thorn investigates a strange murdering case of an official from the Soylent corporation, which feeds the masses with a palette of their creations: Soylent red, yellow, or, even more nutritious, green. This is created by grinding up dead bodies. The premise behind Evergreen, which freaked me out when I watched it, because this episode in particular wasn’t a Twilight Zone to me, it was a horror story. Perfectly frightful! The Winslow family is moving into a gated community called Evergreen in order to deal with a troublesome teenage daughter, Jenna To get in they must sign a contract putting up everything they own as collateral. On move-in day, Jenna notices a crying couple planting an evergreen tree on their front lawn. She accepts a glass of lemonade from her mother and quickly realizes she’s been drugged. She wakes up in bed to find her tattoos have been removed, the dye in her hair has been washed out, and all her jewelry and piercings have been removed. All her clothes are gone, and she must wear the Evergreen young girl’s uniform. It’s no different than a school uniform and hardly something to complain about. She hates the other boring lollypop kids because they are suckups. Badly behaved Evergreen children, Jenna hears, are sent to Arcadia, a military school. Jenna is sent to Arcadia, and we see that it is a fertilizer company specializing in waste recycling. Jenna’s mom planting an evergreen tree in remembrance of Jenna is the end shot, with a close-up of the mom putting mulch around the base of the tree. Mulch is made of the remains of Jenna’s body.Creepy, right?


26 June

26 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Sometimes I rationally think cancer is someplace else in my head. When I take my daily supplements I go slow and make sure I take after food, and yet I have burps like crazy that indicate my gut health sucks. Do I heave a leaky gut? What is wrong with me? Brunkow gave me Pepsid and that didn’t work at all. I’m off on medications except last night I went back to my 50 mg of Seroquil because I was exhausted. I’d only been getting 4 to 5 hours per night. My eyes ache every day and I have so much to do. I need my eyes. My diet is super gut healthy, but clearly the Coconut Cult probiotic is not doing what it needs to do. Shit son. My throat will close up sometimes and I think maybe I have esophageal cancer. When I drink super cold water my throat closes up again. My mind cannot help but dance on it’s monkey way to telling me I have chronic disease throughout my body.

I’ve been trying to figure out why the cancer came back to begin with, I mean sure, I didn’t take aromatase inhibitors but my nutrition has been great for two years. Except booze. I drink alcohol occasionally. Sadly I think meat and alcohol along with the crippling stress of Mini Me and high school and Juan Carlo’s magical thinking all helped the brain cancer grow. Tonight I say goodbye to booze and meat. We are taking Pea to Butcher & Boar. They’re food is really good. A complete carnivore’s paradise! My goal today is to not take any pain pills. Get at least 7500 steps, and laugh as much as possible.

Yesterday I took my one-third of a gram and smoked most of the day. I busted my arse walked almost 8 thousand steps.

25 June

23 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Friday and I’m tired. It’s mostly cloudy, it’s been that way all week. Rains and clouds. Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed reading and trying to find more information on diet. Yesterday I noticed that I read the news and get sucked into the drama and suddenly Juan is home from his twelve step group and I’ve spent Half my day reading about the craziness. Muslim bans and Turkey banning Darwinism, none of this stuff matters. I may be intrigued by it, but it surely has little relevance. The reality is that it is a vortex. Journalism sells. There are sure a lot of talking head experts on television that consume our time with politics. Rachel Madow, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck. I’m tired of how much time our politics take when our society doesn’t benefit anyone but the one percent.

Only in America are you born and any genetics that caused a medical problem is not the problem of society at large, it’s a problem for this family, for mom and dad. When the child is older it will be his responsibility to buy insurance. My Conservative friends think that just because I voted for Obama I don’t see the lies and corruption that his administration wrought. Health insurance via Obamacare isn’t supposed to cost you more than 10% of your income. Juan and I are your example. We have not used the ACA (Affordable Care Act) aka Obamacare until 2017. Americans health insurance comes with a large set of costs. The first cost is to get the insurance. It is called a premium. Insureds pay it every month. We pay $550 per month for our insurance. We then have individual deductibles that are $6700 per person. That is over $12,000 for just deductible. At 10% you’d think Juan and I earned $120,000 in 2017 as our projected earnings. Insurance costs in America are so prohibitively high that that the federal government, under the guise of the ACA, kicks money towards insurance companies to pay our premiums. The $550 for two adults is a discounted rate via the ACA.

Take last year through BCBS. Our premium was $1400 per month with Zack on a different plan for $150/moth. Don’t forget dental! In 2016 dental for Juan and I was $1200 for the year and then we paid our dentist directly for copays and what was not covered, as Delta Dental leaves services covered in ties. Fillings are covered at 50% or 60% or 70% and they do not cover while amalgam fillings even though that’s the only type of fillings the dentist recommends.

The two types of fillings are composite resin and amalgam metallic alloy.  These two filling types are often referred to by patients and doctors as “white” and “silver” fillings because of their color.

The recommendation most doctors will make is for the placement of a composite filling.  Composite fillings have a 40 year history and are comprised of a plastic resin that is initially soft but cures to full strength after a short exposure to the blue range of the light spectrum.  Composite fillings are bonded or “glued” in place to the tooth on a microscopic level.  The pros to using composite fillings are that they can be very small in size and adapt to any shape of cavity, come in a wide variety of colors to match your smile, and have no chance of darkening a tooth over time.

Amalgam alloy fillings are comprised of a mixture of copper, silver, tin and elemental (safe) mercury.  They have a 100 year history of use.  Amalgam fillings are held in place by the shape of the cavity.  One major drawback of an amalgam filling is that if the cavity is too small the filling still has to be of sufficient size for proper hold and overall strength.  The minimum size requirement of amalgam fillings limits the doctor when attempting to preserve natural tooth structure.  Besides only coming in one color, the silver in amalgam fillings has the tendency to tarnish and percolate into the tooth over long periods of time, resulting in a gradual darkening of the tooth.

Composite fillings are not without their shortcomings however.  During the bonding procedure where the doctor is placing the filling, the tooth needs to be kept as dry as possible.  Any water introduced will retard the gluing of the filling into place and reduce the overall longevity of the filling.  In certain circumstances, such as bleeding gums or hard to reach locations, if a filling cannot be kept dry enough, then an amalgam filling is a better, longer lasting choice.

Composite (plastic) fillings are also softer in nature than amalgam (metal) fillings.  Because of this they tend to wear down faster in those who grind their teeth.  Composite fillings also need to be kept clean and require regular brushing and flossing, otherwise they tend to develop a new cavity along their edges. Amalgam fillings are more forgiving in this aspect.  If a cavity starts to form along its edge the silver tarnishes and helps seal out the bacteria, making it harder for the bacteria to dig deeper.  However amalgam fillings will still experience recurrent cavities if not cared for properly as well.

25 June

25 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

I’m looking at myself and what I want to do with what time I have left. Juan Carlo wants to do a AMS, to TXL, to PRG and then back to AMS. I supposed if my prognosis is accurate and I’m dead by April 20158, I want to see the new, post Berlin Wall Europe with Juan.  I’ve been thinking about the pain, and how will they manage the pain when there’s a new tumour? Fentanyl? Because if it’s Dilaudid and Vicodin it won’t be enough. I’m weaning myself from my daily opiate injection as I’m worried opiates won’t work when I’m in pain.

I believe we should stay here until Mini Me has his GED.

I was reading some swinging data that came into my inbox. Cuckold is a term for a man who only likes to watch his wife get fucked by another guy. I wonder if men know that a cuckold is not a nice word. It means the husband of an adulteress in a super duper derisive way. It’s considered bad form to let another man fuck your wife. The Urban Dictionary holds the swinging definition. At the time of this post 8300 unique people LIKED this definition: “A sexually inadequate husband who accepts his wife’s pussy is her sole property and she alone decides which men she will fuck,even if it means denying her husband. His only access to her pussy is to clean it of the ejaculate of males she chooses to fuck.

Doug has the penis of a young boy and has never given his wife Jill an orgasm. His choice was divorce or be a cuckold. He is now a fully submissive cuckold to Jill.”
Even the definition that 8 thousand people seemingly agreed with, but even this definition is filled with derision. I really dislike articles or content that makes it clear that the author thinks the whole situation is disgusting and deplorable. Glenn Garvion wrote about the Viceland show Weediquette.
I’ve quoted it below, from the Libertarian magazine, REASON. I’ve linked it as well, but it’s quoted below in case the link disappears.

My parents have been gone for more than two decades, but I’m certain I’ll hear a chorus of ghostly and grim I-told-you-sos from their direction as this week’s television debuts get underway. Shows about drugs! Right on TV! We told you the world was going to Hell in a hippie handbasket!Weediquette, debuting on the new Viceland network that next week will replace the H2 channel on cable and satellite systems around the country, is the first TV series dedicated to the science, culture and economics of marijuana.

Weediquette, once it gets over its exhibitionist “Millennial Outlaw” sense of itself (among other things, the opening episode includes a lengthy and apparently unintentionally Animal House-ish scene of host Krishna Andavolu getting stoned and babbling about it), may prove an interesting program.

Its premiere episode is a sometimes-disturbing look at medical-marijuana cultists who preach that weed cures cancer. We’re not talking about reducing nausea or pain, claims for which there is clinical evidence, but an actual tumor-shrinking cure. Like the laetrile and vitamin-C faithful who came before them, they feverishly parade before the cameras to tell of vanishing lesions and miraculous white-cell counts achieved by the anointing of cannabis hands.

That some loopy adults prefer to map out medical treatment based on purely anecdotal evidence and a weird paranoia about Western medicine is hardly news; snake oil has been with us for a long time. But some of these people are betting the lives of their children on their veneration of dope. Andavolu visits a picnic by Oregon families of pediatric cancer patients whose parents are feeding them marijuana-laced candies or cannabis oil mixed with honey and confesses afterward: “Seeing stoned kids still weirds me out.”

Weediquette, however, gets beyond the blather of nut-job stoners. Some of the parents are not crazy, just desperate. When your 8-month-old baby has a brain tumor that isn’t responding to conventional treatment, what straw wouldn’t you grasp? Especially when—coincidentally or not—her health improves after treatment with cannabis oil.

Perhaps the best point made in Weediquette is that the federal government’s insistence on keeping marijuana on Schedule I on the Controlled Substance Act—right alongside heroin and meth—has made clinical trials extremely difficult. “Without clinical trials. we’re all guessing,” says the father of the baby with brain cancer. “My child’s a guinea pig.”

The lack of clinical trials has also stoked the paranoia of the weed true-believers, who see themselves as freedom fighters in a holy war on Big Pharma. Like all romantic notions, that one may end on the rocks for a lot of these people. Weediquette ends with a teenaged girl who has stopped her chemotherapy nine months early to rely only on cannabis oil. “Cannabis kills cancer without killing anything else in your body,” she declares with teenaged certainty. As the scene fades, she’s getting high-fives from the parents at the Oregon picnic. I hope the next time they see her won’t be at her funeral.

Pretty judgey. I’d like to say this arsehole’s opinion when he gets cancer. So yeah, this guy is what is wrong with journalism. His article told you nothing but laid a whole lot of shame onto the issue. And with the black guy in St Paul, the lunchroom worker that was killed by a white police officer, Castille. He had weed on him. The court found the officer that killed him innocent of wrong doing because they painted his GF as unreliable because they had weed on them. I’m 52 and started cannabis when I was 49. I didn’t start using it consistently until Q2 2016, after I was 51. I’ve had a lot of experiences and I put coke up my nose in college at the University of Minnesota because I was frightened of cannabis. The information I was fed about cannabis is crazy! Cocaine cut with Borax and Baby Laxative was what I preferred to Marijuana because of the potential for prison time. I told Lyndsey Saturday night that I was angry that cannabis can cure cancer according to the dot gov cancer website. If I’d known that I would have made different. choices. The choice I would’ve made was to smoke weed every night before bed and not take pills like Xanax and Ambien. If I’d started smoking weed in high school, college, even grad school, or even shite, when I was accused by CPS that I WAS smoking weed when Zack was 5 and Simon was 13. I was 40. If I’d started smoking weed when I was working and having to pass UAs for work, I wouldn’t have gotten cancer. But if I was smoking back then I wouldn’t have had a career either. I couldn’t have it both ways in this America.

What I’m realizing is how corrupt our society is and that there is no perk to being a member of this society. I did everything right! I paid my taxes and didn’t cheat. I started an S Corp because it was easier than the tax ramifications of being self employed. Of course recruiters HATE people like me.