Wisdom of MY Words

Random Musings & Book Reviews

Archive for the 'Douche Nozzle' Category

30 July
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Books & Ferrets – Worse Name Ever

A decade ago I registered for a French Classe that met by Lunds Uptown. It was inexpensive, but the instructor, Fawn, was super disorganized. I’ve a low tolerance for air headed disorganization. I attended twice, and at the second classe Fawn said something shaming to me. I don’t remember what, but I do remember the feeling, as I captured it in writing in a notebook. I remember that it was based on my opinion and that she shot me down about my own, personal study-abroad experience in France. The luxury of being slightly literal and elucidating facts in an Asbergery, detailed, precise manner in a journal every day of my life since Nana Wolski taught me how to read. “Felt dirty and hot. Shame seeped through me. Fawn is insecure. Needs to be center of attention. As a black woman she believes her experience is more valid than a white woman being raised by a divorced, single abusive lesbian.  Juan Carlo convinced me to give the classe another chance, even though it was filled with women I didn’t like who were sycophantly sucking up to Fawn.

14 July
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Frost Cabinets

It is so very very frustrating to be partially blind and have serious depth perception issues. The text on my phone when dialing is so small I am unable to enter the digits needed to place a call and actually need someone to help me. Juan has been working on the kitchen and we are ready to get some cabinets estimates. I used Google, and the hits included Frost Cabinets.

I went to their website and all the text is teeny tiny. I was unsuccessful in finding a phone number. You’ve got your Index (Home), Kitchens, Cabinets, Built-ins, Furniture, Misc. I scrolled through each link looking for a numeric string. Eh, lady, fuck you, there’s no number. OK. So I can’t get Juan to call for me. I’d have to actually do <B><I>more</B></I> steps. The DH is already maxed so it’s important that I come to him with everything done, not giving him another task because I can’t find a phone number.

At the base of every page is: ©Frost Cabinets   |   Contact Us: info@frostcabinets.com; and since that’s all I had, I sent an email.  Before noon on the 12 July, and now it’s the 14 July 2017 at 1809 hours, so they ain’t calling Juan Carlo until next week. They don’t have a phone number but every damn page has an email addy on the bottom. Your web designer sucks big dicks. Email read, as such, below.

Hello,
I am in the middle of a kitchen remodel and need a bid for cabinets. We have done the project ourselves with the help of a childhood friend who is a kitchen architect, and know exactly what we want.
We have our counter picked out, we now need the cabinets started.
My home is a 1938 two-story, and as kitchens were not the hub back then, my space is small, ~20’x17′. I don’t really have a budget, I just knew I wasn’t going to hire a GC and drop 100 grand for a kitchen remodel with crappy appliances. My budget is for nice appliances (in place, electric done, stack for sink in progress, walls getting mudded as I type), and some fancy custom wood work.
On the NE wall of my kitchen my daughter and one of her design-type GFs (just 22 year olds, not yet established) along with myself want to put in a custom built cabinet that has bookcases. If the expense seems large, I can do the kitchen in stages, so either way I am ready to hire someone and get this kitchen done.
I had a cancerous brain mets tumour removed in April and am blind in one eye, so it’s best to call the husband, Juan Carlo. His number is 612-860-5826 to set up an appointment.
We are looking forward to hearing from you.
Cheers,
M.

No phone number and then they what? Don’t check their email? No energy, none whatsoever. I just felt if they were going to work with us they should have context. It’s not like I’m asking them to ring the DH because I don’t want to deal with it. I just can’t use my phone, so it’s never really with me. It’s just an application storer right now.

<B>Update</B>

The owner emailed this morning, 16 July 2017, because apparently only people in glass towers are expected to c heck their email consistently.

Hi Michele,

I am vacationing until Tuesday.
I will be in touch when I am back at my desk.

Thank you,
Jon Frost

01 February
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Such a Big Deal About Haircuts!

27 September 2002

To Whom it May Concern:

I, Nicci Shidla, am Miriam Davis’ hairstylist. I work at Hair Police, and have come from a hair styling family. My father is co-owner of Kent Here for Hair in Linden Hills. I have attended Beauty School, and have my license. I have cut Miriam Davis and Simon Meyer’s hair for two years, prior to that another Hair Police associate, Stef, cut Miriam and Simon’s hair. Their mother, Michele Davis, has been coming to Hair Police since college.

Michele cut Miriam’s bangs, because she was unable to get an appointment with me. But I did tell her that she did a good job. As soon as my next appointment was available, Miriam came in to get a trim. I can also verify that what Mr. Meyer claims is a “mullet” on Miriam, is not. She has a typical young girls haircut, which is layered and face framing.

A mullet haircut is short in the front, and short around the ears (approximately two inches or shorter) and long in the back (shoulder length or longer.) This is called, jokingly, “Nothing up front and all the business in the back.” Miriam, most certainly does not have a haircut like that.

In addition, Michele or her husband Jon, regularly bring Simon and Miriam and occasionally Zack in for haircuts. I see Simon and Miriam approximately every 8-10 weeks. Michele allows the children to dictate their own haircuts, within reason, and always adequately parents them when they are in the salon waiting for the other child to finish getting their haircut. They are both well-behaved, and Simon and I have a good rapport as we talk about music, video games and the life of an 11 year old boy. They are delightful children.

17 November
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Dumbass Sightings, In the Wild, Number Three

My daughter and I went to the McDonald’s drive through check-out window to pay our bill and I gave the assistant a £5 note.

Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.

She said, “You gave me too much money.

I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.”

She sighed and went to get the Manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said: “We’re sorry but we do not do that kind of thing.”

The assistant then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.

Do not confuse the assistants at MacDonald’s.

29 September
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Voldemort Dies

Yup. This is classic. All I need to do is run to Sam’s Club or Costco and pick up some big bag of multi-roll Bounty, renew my gun license and plan a sneak attack.

He’s such a douche nozzle, which ChaCha, the Prodigal Son’s friend, says is worse than being a douche bag. I see the logic in that thinking. Really, I do.

bounty.jpg

Say it ain’t so!