Wisdom of MY Words

Random Musings & Book Reviews

15 July

15 July 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Not yet in week 8 of the CO, but mere days away. I’ve spent some time reading the CSS board and the Breast Cancer CO board. And then the moderator’s mom died. She was a bit older than I, but not by much. There are others who have died and reported it on the CSS board and I’m a bit freaked out so I increased my dosage of the CO. I am consuming Tumeric, CO, CBD Oil. Juan Carlo has put together the Bowflex, so I am going to write starting Monday and hit the Bowflex and make sure I use the rebounder for at least 5b minutes. My chest has started to hurt. I’m going to work on consistent schedule every day where I am working. If I run out of things to write about I will switch to a different topic. I’m also going to go back to cooking. Mini Me said he’d happily drive me around and dip off muffins.

I really want to get back to making the muffins. I told Juan about the piece on society I am writing. How corporations like Apple, Amazon, and Microsoft have larger responsibilities to society than they think they do. If they don’t pay their taxes, how are they not creating a larger problem of entitlements coming from other people and small businesses instead of large companies like Microsoft or Apple.

30 June

30 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Back too my ACA kvetching. Other people tell me things like Bob from St Paul, who sent me this email. How they can use the term “affordable” in the title Affordable Care Act? I just got my renewal notice for 2016. Our premium with MN BCBS increased 63% to $590 month more for our premium. They also increased our deductible about $500. Since the ACA implementation, our insurance has doubled and will be costing us over $23,000 in 2017 when I add our $4000 deductible on top of our $1600/month premium. My wife and I are self-employed.  Where we live, PT positions are generally $8-12/hour and offer no benefits. I’m frightened that I’ll have to sell my business, get a FT job just to get the benefits, so I can only work somewhere with benefits, unlike retail.

Bob, I emailed back, “Your insurance costs if you go work FT will be higher than ever before because of the current marketplace. Employers are no longer covering as much of the health insurance burden of their employees. You’ll need an extra 10 grand for deductibles. Then every year you work for your employer you your insurance costs increase, both premium and deductible.” If Bob’s cost for 2016 was $23,000 and mine was $25,000 including dental, that’s an untenable situation. People are not going to be able to continue to pay this kind of money for healthcare. Costs are out of control. Our dental insurance for two adults was $2100 in 2017, and increase of $800 on the 2016 premium. We didn’t have more services in 2016 than we’d had in 2015, it just seems that costs are out of con

Bob’s email continued. We could raise our deductible, but with the new programs our options are limited. The higher deductible will lower our monthly premium, but if we have a lot of doctor visits or a surgery we will meet the deductible and the total overall cost will be about the same. Even though our 2 kids are pretty healthy, but they’re kids. My wife may potentially need knee surgery this winter so the higher deductible will be reached with that anyway. We can enter into the MNSure marketplace to determine if we get a subsidy, but the way the system works in MN once we hit the “Submit” button we have to take what they give us. Which could potentially mean that the kids would be placed on medical assistance and only be able to go to a doctor or specialist that accepts medical assistance payments…that’s not an option as far as I’m concerned.

That’s exactly what happened to us. Juan entered $60k for projected income in 2017. That kicked Mini Me onto MA, and he’ll be 18 this year and still on MA, but since the suicide attempt we are glad because we couldn’t have afforded another deductible of a third $5700. His dental insurance is $26.xx per month, over and above the above dental premium for JC and I. We had a $300 coinsurance payment to the dentist on top of everything else. It feels to me like our healthcare system is going to implode. Explode. IDK, just something drastic is going to happen. Personally I think every single solitary citizen in America should stop paying their medical bills. We need a resistance against anymore of this monetization of people’s health. We need to demand better healthcare for all in America.

29 June

29 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

I don’t know how to apply for Medicaid or Medicare, or apply for help because I am blind. I keep going round and round about this stuff in my head. I am 52. I have the ACA. I can’t afford $35,000 for health and dental insurance for just Juan and I; because that’s what our monthly premium + deductible equals for 2017 WITH the ACA. It’s $29,xxx if Juan doesn’t use his deductible, which is $5700. As I already explained in another blog post, the ACA is not supposed to charge more than 10%b of your income and Juan and I didn’t even earn $40,000 last year. We have been solidly living on our retirement, the Roth IRAs are almost completely liquidated, so we had to take money from our SEP IRAs. The middle Classe, even upper middle, always shouldering the American burden. I am at least 50% blind in one eye and cannot see the website well enough to apply for these benefits myself and Juan can’t seem to sit down and figure it out. Not sure if he finds it worthless, or if he just gets distracted because there is so much to do.

So I’m partially blind in one eye and unable to support myself. I could,

  • Get a lawyer who will then take a PERCENTAGE of my Medicaid benefits.
  • Go into sex work.
  • Force my DH to get a job to support us.

I can ill afford a lawyer siphoning off my benefits to his yacht because his brethren have designed the laws that confuse my husband. Working in the sex industry pays decent, about $40/hr amortized over a two week, 80 hour period. Remember I have studied this stuff because I think what women have to do in order to support themselves was designed by men. White men, no doubt. Although IMHO black men, brown men, yellow men, red men, all men are the problem. I don’t want to be married to someone I’m expected to force into a position because our federal government assumes the husband will support the sick wife. Although I’m not sure who is supposed to take care of the sick wife while he’s satisfying the societal need of going to work, and being gone 55-60 hours per week. I could take an Uber to an appointment, but other than that I am stuck. I am in a position where I cannot get myself anywhere because of my eyesight and I continue to hit things on the left side.

I say things like sex work because what else would I be able to do when the money runs out? I’m not able to get places because I can’t drive. I’m too visually impaired to take the bus. The light rail only runs down Cedar, but I could walk to Cedar and take a bus to MOA. After 30 years in the white collar, intelligence sector, qwho would hire me for a retail position? IDK, would Nordstrom hire me? I couldn’t’t work on my feet all day. The neuropathy from chemo in 2013-2104, most likely Taxol, has made standing for long periods physically painful. Rest assured I won’t end up in sex work, but that’s, again, because I saved my money and Nana left me money that I invested well. I am a talented and good writer and will sell this memoir. Whether that is to a new agent because Roxanne flaked out on me, or direct to the publisher. Hell, I am even willing to spend my money on self publishing because I know my voice is unique and likable. My protagonist is interesting.

I’ve been telling the DH how reading a book a day has changed me. I can barely read fiction anymore. It has to be good fiction, and usually the older stuff if better. Jeff Earl would’ve said that! Juan has been picking up books for me every week it seems. During recovery it was books on tape, and now it’s as many ebooks as I can score, large print, and then regular type. My eyes get tired faster than is what would be considered normal, but everyone keeps telling me that I am still in recovery. Recovery can technically last 2 years. There was that woman who was blind and driven around by her husband for 18 months and 4 years respectively, after repeated strokes and 5 neurosurgeries. Ouch!

28 June

28 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

I posted on the COSS board that my gums are feelings different. Approximately 1.5-2 hours after I ingest the CO my gums, right knee, left ankle, and left chest all tingle, and it feels almost like neuropathy, or like my nerves are awake and working. Because people are morons I was asked all sorts of ludicrous questions like:

  • Do you take your entire dose in one sitting?
  • Do you take your entire dose at bed?
  • Did you ramp up?
  • Did you try ramping down?

Are people incapable of reading? I have clothes on Poshmark, and a blonde hippie chick asked me how many shirts the listing was for, and told the dumbo to read the damn description. It reads: Eileen Fisher Linen B&W Striped Long Sleeved Sweater. IDK, how many items does it look like to you are for sale? Can’t read? Get the fuck away from me. And this isn;’t to say if someone genuinely wanted help because oh, let’s see, they couldn’t see perhaps? I sincerely want to help people but I can’t, at 52, abide by any more stupid. I believe that answering the blonde hippie chick’s stupid would only encourage more stupid. And this is why my neighbors think I’m, a bitch. Ah, C’est la.

I stated that I started at zero and in a month have gotten to a .33 gram dosage per day. I talked about microdosing because of these side affects that people are telling me are in my head. I’m fine with unchartered territory, I just lose energy when I know what I’m doing and know what I’m describing and then I am accused of being the stupid one.

27 June

27 June 2017 – Cannabis Oil Journey

Right now I’m buying online food that is specialty> teas, spices, and mushrooms. All things that can be used to fight cancer and augments a vegetarian diet. Dean & Deluca are coming out with Nutrition Bars. Flavours like Tumeric and Ginger are on offer. Sounds marvelous yes? Certainly will be antioxidant rich and busy helping your lymphocytes after digestion. Gwenyth Paltrow’s company Goop has healing stickers like the Mary’s Natural CBD patches. I use the transdermal pens and patches and just love them. I get nauseated quite a bit and the patches are super helpful. The transdermal pen I use on my forehead when I get a migraine.


26 June

Obituary 2017

Juan and I were talking and I told him I was working on my obit because it seemed like something he’d need. He said that absolutely, and while I was at it, could I write out instructions after my body is cold? Of course I will do that for him because my heart aches thinking of him all alone with my body. Unsure of his next move and zero relationship with Margaret, his piece off shite mother Sylvia, his lazy brother who, at 45 has been in a nursing home since his thirties. Tom walked out five or so years ago and has been worthless to me as a father figure. He didn’t know how to be my father.

I’m the kind of person that’d call hella people and ask for help with Juan’s body. As is for him it is the same for me. Those people aren’t there for him and they are doubled down in their bad behaviour. I often have wondered in my life what would happen to me if I lost my job, my house was foreclosed, and I was in jail for working the prostitution circuit because hello, I needed money. I couldn’t ask anyone for help.

Someone on my Cannabis Success Stories group or the other one, ah, Cure Breast Cancer with Cannabis, said that I should make Cannabis Oil myself. In order to get product they recommend I have a friend in Denver or California send me hella ounces. Um, hello? Police in Minnesota are still arresting people. I have no friends I could ask to send weed to, and I have no family that gives a shite about me. I have been an unloved child. My mother should have aborted me, or done as Nana Davis wanted, put me top for adoption at a Catholic Mother’s Home in Boston. My mother was not unwed, she was actually married, but Nana Davis couldn’t stand him. Nana wanted mother to go to St.Margarets Hospital , locatedin Dorcester, MA. She knew people. Nana did. Doctors and psychiatrists in New England. With her connections St. Margaret’s seemed like the place. It seemed like universal symmetry with Nana’s name Margaret and mother’s the same. Two Margaret Davis’s in a row. I guess when you love a name you love it.  Except Nana Davis didn’t name my mother, Nana Wolski did.

Michele Ellen Davis born as Michele Ellen Przybylinski in Milwaukee, WI a year after Kennedy was shot. Always feeling as if she belonged in another world, one where people were kinder, she devoted her existence to words. As a child at University School Milwaukee (USM) she sent her poems and stories to magazines like Cricket, and little community newspapers. While working on her English bachelors Michele worked for the military proofreading bomb documents. In 1991 she married David Meyer in Minneapolis and gave birth to Simon Meyer. Her passion for words and education propelled her into technical training and technical writing. She spent the next twenty five years working in IT. When her daughter Miriam Davis was a year old David and her split up. While working at Spanlink Michele met Jon Phillips. They married in 1999 and she gave birth to her last child, Zack Phillips, that same year. She was cremated and is buried in a biodegradable container that also housed a rose bush. There’s the Obit. I’m not sure I like it. I wanted to add, “Technically she isn’t buried she is Solyent Green, or Twilight Zone’s Evergreen.”

Solyent Green is a film where people are ground up for food. A tale of Earth in despair in 2022. Natural food like fruits, vegetables, and meat among others are now extinct. New York City’s population, for example, has grown to 40 million mouths to feed. The greenhouse effect has risen the temperature into nearly unbearable regions, and the people are kept in the cities by law. The rich live in separated luxury apartments (with women as part of the rented furniture) but also experience the lack of natural food. Strawberries are $150 for a glass. Police Detective Thorn investigates a strange murdering case of an official from the Soylent corporation, which feeds the masses with a palette of their creations: Soylent red, yellow, or, even more nutritious, green. This is created by grinding up dead bodies. The premise behind Evergreen, which freaked me out when I watched it, because this episode in particular wasn’t a Twilight Zone to me, it was a horror story. Perfectly frightful! The Winslow family is moving into a gated community called Evergreen in order to deal with a troublesome teenage daughter, Jenna To get in they must sign a contract putting up everything they own as collateral. On move-in day, Jenna notices a crying couple planting an evergreen tree on their front lawn. She accepts a glass of lemonade from her mother and quickly realizes she’s been drugged. She wakes up in bed to find her tattoos have been removed, the dye in her hair has been washed out, and all her jewelry and piercings have been removed. All her clothes are gone, and she must wear the Evergreen young girl’s uniform. It’s no different than a school uniform and hardly something to complain about. She hates the other boring lollypop kids because they are suckups. Badly behaved Evergreen children, Jenna hears, are sent to Arcadia, a military school. Jenna is sent to Arcadia, and we see that it is a fertilizer company specializing in waste recycling. Jenna’s mom planting an evergreen tree in remembrance of Jenna is the end shot, with a close-up of the mom putting mulch around the base of the tree. Mulch is made of the remains of Jenna’s body.Creepy, right?